Being Present...in Turkey

Genius AND Environmentally Friendly!

Posted on March 18, 2012 by Caroline

Lord knows that I have my moments here when the words “genius” and “environmentally friendly” are FAR from my mind. However, this is an item of which I’ve been a fan of since living here. The water pump!

The water jug in our kitchen, complete with genius pump!

Supposedly the drinking water here is fine, and honestly we do use it for cooking, but for drinking we always use bottled water. It’s also necessary to use bottled water in appliances such as the iron because this water is LADEN with calcium that forms white deposits on everything and clogs the tubes and bits of things. It also makes my hair brittle and my black laundry turn a lovely grey color. Maybe I’m getting lots of additional calcium by drinking it? Maybe it’s not the right kind? I suppose I could Google that! In any case, I digress…

There is bottled water abound here and it’s dirt cheap, but I feel guilty using so many plastic bottles! Recycling here isn’t what I’m used to at home. I can’t in good conscience throw a bottle into a trash can… I’ve been conditioned to feel a NEED to recycle. Not doing so leaves me riddled with guilt. I’ve been told, and in fact witnessed, that people earn their livelihoods by taking “valuables” such as plastic bottles, metal, etc. out of the trash, but I don’t trust that that’s enough. Sooo, having a big bottle at home, rather than a million small bottles makes me feel better!

That’s where the genius pump comes in! It would be impossible to lug that jug up every time we needed water. Here they also have the office water cooler type appliances, but they use electricity. So I feel nice and green using our little pump. Seriously, why don’t we have these in the States? Import idea or am I strangely in love with this thing and nobody else would use it? At home I had always used the Brita pitchers to filter tap water. Again, I checked and they have them here but they’re pricey and hard to find. They definitely haven’t caught on here, but this baby has…every kitchen in Turkey seems to have one.

So, that’s my little random post for the day. Oh, and the big jugs of water cost 3 lira…4 lira with delivery. Crazy cheap…that’s about what we pay for a liter of water in the U.S.

Posted in Food, Houses, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

No Smoking

Posted on February 26, 2012 by Caroline

Just a quick shout out for my hubby to say how proud I am of him for quitting smoking. After endless ~~nagging~~ urging from me to quit, he’s been smoke free since January 1st! Anybody who thinks that this is no big accomplishment has clearly never been to Turkey. In Turkey there are cigarettes everywhere. Everywhere, I tell you! Turks and Europeans alike. It’s insanity. It truly is part of the culture. Left your cigarettes at home? Ran out?? No problem! Every five minutes, somebody is holding out a pack to offer one. I smile with pride every time I hear Mustafa respond that he doesn’t want one because he’s quit.

Mustafa had cut back to just about one or two cigarettes a day for quite a while. Finally on January 1st, he decided to quit once and for all. The timing worked out really well because we left for the States shortly thereafter. It was infinitely easier for him to not smoke in the U.S. because it’s just so much less common. Of course there are smokers but at least it’s not the norm! Anyway, he reports that at this point he doesn’t even crave them when he sees them, so I have faith that this is it. Insallah!

The benefits?

He reports that he can breathe so much more fully and easily.
I pointed out to him that he hasn’t really coughed at all since quitting either. That gross smoker cough is part of the soundtrack to life here, I swear. Ick. Amazing how much happier lungs are when they’re not trying to expel nasty chemicals, isn’t it?
Money! At a pack a day, it works out to about 3,000 lira per year. That’s big money when you consider some people here pay about the same in rent!
No more kissing an ash tray for me!
An older woman here commented that Mustafa is looking healthier in general…his skin, etc. Likely from quitting the cigarettes, however I’d also like to attribute it to being married to me

Cigarettes no more!

So, way to go, askim benim! I’m very proud of my husby (the Turkified version of hubby, originated by my dear husby)!

Posted in Customs, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Street Animals

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Caroline

Like I’ve mentioned before, Turkey definitely has quite a number of street animals. As a crazy animal lover, it’s one of the hardest parts of living here for me. My heart breaks when I see puppies or kittens roaming around, and when I see an animal that’s hurt or too skinny, it ruins my mood for days. There are some programs here to try to reduce the number of strays, and they do help, but the problem persists and I’m not sure that it will ever truly be under control. Animals are picked up, given injections, spayed or neutered and then released back…these animals are usually identifiable by a tag placed in their ears.

One of the town's favorite street dogs...notice the tag in his ear

Mustafa and I have talked ad nauseum about the street animals and specifically the Turks’ attitude toward them. Thank God it’s changing for the better. Of course there are animal lovers here, but they just don’t seem to be as common as they are in the US, UK, etc. Many locals see the street animals as dirty and scary. Admittedly there are some aggressive ones, but I’ve found that often they’re only aggressive because they’re scared as a result of past abuse. Something that always breaks my heart.

I love being one of the people who the street animals know and trust. It makes me so happy when they see me and run up to me, tails wagging, knowing that I like them, will pet them, and often feed them. Like I said though, many of them will approach me, all excited, but there’s something in them that’s fearful. They’re hesitant and some won’t get too close. Likely fearful of being hit or kicked. It’s sickening, really. Gradually I win most of them over though

Street animals need love too!

Like I said, things are changing. Recently the major political parties here agreed to come together for legislation that would increase the penalty for abusing a street animal from a misdemeanor to a criminal offense. There are also various programs that are becoming more visible and appealing to people to realize that animals have a right to exist just as people do, to provide water for them, etc. It makes me happy when I see Turks being friendly to the animals, particularly when it’s a family with young children. I have to believe that things will improve or I’ll go crazy.

Speaking of strays, our little street animal is doing very well. We all survived our month apart – I think I was the most stressed of us all. Mustafa’s parents came by daily to spend time with her and I was really happy that she didn’t seem angry at us when we returned. I’d heard stories of people’s cats holding a grudge! She was immediately very affectionate and sweet. I’m not sure if it was the result of stress or if it’s just seasonal but she’s been shedding like mad! Tufts of hair every time we pet her or brushed her. Thankfully the worst seems to be behind us now. I was growing very tired of daily vacuuming! Thank God for lint rollers too…my wardrobe contains a LOT of black!

Posted in Animals | 1 Comment

Working out

Posted on February 21, 2012 by Caroline

So, yesterday Mustafa and I finally went to the gym in our little town. Of course I was the only woman there. In fairness, there are “women’s only” hours in the morning, but from what we were told only one woman goes during that time. I suppose, being American, I’m just more used to being “one of the guys” and it doesn’t bother me to work out in the presence of men.

I’m not a big runner but the only things to do there are walk/run on the treadmill, use a stationary bike, or weights, weights and more weights. Like I said, this really is a gym for men. There isn’t even a “locker room” for women – only guys! Sigh… Further evidence that this is a “guys gym” was the fact that I spent my whole workout staring at a poster of a woman with her ass cheeks hanging out of her daisy dukes, leaning seductively on a piece of gym equipment. Sigh again… I took a picture but it was blurry…because I was running so fast! Riiiiight. Maybe I should consider the poster motivation???

Maybe someday I can look like her...

In any case, it felt really good to be there. A little like feeling like my “old self.” It’s strange how much of an identity crisis living here can create and even more strange what things remind me of who I am/was. Not that I was a gym rat, but I’d belonged to a gym from the time I was 16 or so and went through periods of dedication Only in the last two years that I lived in the States did I really love working out because I found exercise that I loved to do…Zumba and Yoga. For me, classes made all the difference. Exercise was fun and more social. Like I think I mentioned before, I still consider getting my certification to teach yoga. It’s just a big investment financially and time-wise. I think yoga would be more popular here than my other love, Zumba. I am certified to teach Zumba but I just don’t think I’d have enough participants. Not to mention that from March/April to November, I’d have zero time. Maybe someday. In the meantime, yoga and Zumba will be confined to my living room.

We’re heading back to the gym today. Nothing provides motivation like knowing you’ll be working every day on the boat in a bikini…eek! Need to go invest in some more coverups!

Posted in Exercise, Yoga | Leave a comment

Cold and Damp

Posted on February 19, 2012 by Caroline

Cold and Damp…the best words to use to describe Turkish houses in the winter. When we came back to our house after being away for a month, I was stunned. It was…wet. Everywhere. Clothes in closets, towels in drawers, even our sheets on the bed. Everything was damp. I can’t even tell you how many loads of laundry I’ve done in 10 days. It was so bad that I immediately became congested and ran around turning on every heater we own to attempt to dry things out. The following day, Mustafa told me that we need to open the windows in order to air the house out. Yes, makes sense but who wants to open every window in the house when it’s only 40-something degrees outside and in only 24 hours of being back in Turkey, you can’t even remember what it’s like to feel your fingers and toes. Sigh…

THIS is also what happened to our bathroom ceiling while we were away…

Our bathroom ceiling...

Disgusting, huh? I can only imagine the horror people discover when returning to their summer homes after being vacant for 8+ months! Lots of bleach and paint required, I imagine…

Oh well, thankfully the winter is relatively short here and it will be spring before we know it! The apricot and cherry trees are already blossoming and buds are popping up everywhere. Roll on summer, as the English say.

Valentine's Day rainbow and if you look closely you can see blossoms on some of the trees!

Posted in Apartment, Houses, Weather | 2 Comments

I’m still alive!

Posted on February 18, 2012 by Caroline

Sorry, sorry. We were in the U.S. for a month and in the week that we’ve been back, I’ve just been uninspired. The trip to the States was great and my Turk travelled further than some Americans do! We flew into New York City and I almost cried tears of joy when we were going through customs. It was just so nice to be surrounded by English! Sometimes I think I underestimate the stress of being unable to communicate easily. Yes, I get by, but almost every interaction here induces at least a little bit of stress. Anyway, it was nice to be on American soil, as they say…to feel comfortable and at home. Who ever thought that even going through customs could give one a warm fuzzy feeling!?

We stayed five days in NYC with my Dad and his fiance. If I had to sum up those five days using one word, it would be walking. We walked everywhere! We were those tourists wandering around with our cameras. I kept calling Mustafa “my alien” because often I’d look over and catch him with his mouth gaping open as he stared upward at something or other. It was cute. Fortunately for us, I spent a summer in New York during university, and my dad does live there, so I’m familiar with the city and generally know where I’m going. Also we were insanely lucky with the weather. The first day there was over 50 degrees and we could walk around in light jackets and not freeze, which had been my fear. In general, the whole trip to the U.S. was relatively warm and snow-free. The lack of snow was actually disappointing to me!

My Turk in Central Park

My dad and my hubby going for a bike ride. I made my dad promise to try to keep him alive. Thankfully he succeeded!

The next stop on our tour of the U.S. was Austin, TX. Two of my best friends live there and I had a free flight to use, so we figured “why not?” Our little visit grew to be the reinstatement of an old Martin Luther King weekend tradition, in which we’d all get together, along with our husbands, in a big rental house for the three-day weekend. There were seven of us, four of our husbands, and the big change was the addition of five kids! Poor Mustafa did remarkably well meeting all of those new people for the first time, in such a confined space. On top of it all he was a little sick and we were just overcoming our jet lag. It was fun to spend time with my best friends and acquaint or reacquaint myself with the little ones!

Mustafa charming the little ladies

Four of the kiddos...just missing baby Drew!

Then it was back to NYC for a night, a bus trip up to Connecticut to get my car and a drive back down to New Jersey to visit my family. My grandparents and two of my mom’s sisters live in the same town so it made it convenient to see everyone in one place. There we finally got to really relax (once the introductions to my family were over!) and settle into suburbia for a while. Oh, and we ate…and ate…and ate. My family is Italian so there’s never a shortage of food! Ever! Kind of like the Turks! At any given time my grandmother will ask, “are you hungry?” and even if you say “No,” or “Maybe just for something small,” there will be a giant spread of food in front of you. My family also did a little wedding celebration for us and my uncle came up from Maryland to see us. We did champagne and had a delicious wedding cake too. Just a few months late

Cutting our "wedding cake"

The other fun thing we were able to do in NJ was visit one of Mustafa’s friends from home. I find it amazing that somebody from our little town here in Turkey happens to live only 20 minutes from my family there, but he does! So we went over to their house for dinner and had a really fun night. It was nice for Mustafa to get to see someone from home after meeting a million new people, and his friend was so happy to see a familiar Turkish face too.

Delicious dinner with Turkish friends

Closed eyes and purple teeth. I'd never seen my hubby so intoxicated! But they were so happy!

Three of my most favorite people in the entire world! My grandparents are truly amazing!

Leaving New Jersey was reminiscent of when we’d leave there when I was a child….meaning, I cried. I don’t know what it was…I suppose I just don’t take for granted my time there anymore. My grandparents are amazing and thank God they’re healthy at 82 and 87 years old. Insallah they stay that way. I think it’s also harder after losing my mom. Those are the people and that is the place that has always been constant in my sometimes chaotic life, so it’s very special to me. Anyway, I know that it won’t be the same forever and that idea makes me very emotional. I definitely appreciate every day I have there with some of the people I love most in this world!

Speaking of favorite people, next on our itinerary was my brother’s in Connecticut. My brother and I are very close so it was great to be able to spend almost two weeks with him and his wife at their house. Also nice was the fact that David works from home so even though he was working, he was around too. There it was more typical American suburbia. We went to Target (again, almost cried…I miss that store like crazy!) and Best Buy and the grocery store and Costco. Serious America, people. I also got to go through all of my papers and mail since David is lucky enough to have the fun job of being my pseudo-secretary while I’m here.

There Mustafa developed his addictions to Marshalls and buffalo sauce. Seriously, what man loves picking through the racks at Marshalls? My man does! I think we went to four different Marshalls and two different TJ Maxx stores. Who doesn’t love a bargain, I suppose! I think he also polished off a few bottles of Frank’s Red Hot sauce. We may need a 12-step program soon!

By far the worst part of the trip was going through all of my stuff and deciding what to pack into our four suitcases and two carry-on bags. It was tight, let me tell you. In retrospect, I wish I had just brought more over initially and used an international shipping company. I’d definitely have been better off not selling my furniture and buying new here, given my ~~classier~~ ~~better~~ different taste and appreciation for materials natural to this Earth! Hindsight…

In our time in CT we also made two quick trips up to Massachusetts so I could show Mustafa my town and so he could meet my friends there. It’s difficult because I have no home base there now that my dad and brother have moved elsewhere. We went to dinner with two of my best friends from high school and got together with some of my best friends from work. Mustafa always thinks of working in an office being akin to Hell, but I think he realized too how much fun some of my co-workers are and how that can make all the difference. Otherwise I’d never have survived nine years (!!!) there.

Mustafa saying "goodbye" to his new best friend, my brother's dog, Britton.

Phew, this has been long! It was a great trip filled with family and friends. Next time will be a lot less stressful now that all of the introductions have been made. I’m happy that Mustafa got to see my “home” and meet the people in my life. Also to be familiar with my basis for comparison when it comes to living here vs. there. Dangerous as that can be

Posted in Customs, Decor, Family, Food, Friends, Language, Travel, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Worlds Collide (2)

Posted on January 4, 2012 by Caroline

“Home.” Is that here or there? Both? I now feel strange every time I use that word in reference to the US, like I’m not giving Turkey the respect it deserves or something. But “home” it will always be, right? Anyway, in two short days, we’ll be going to America. Yay!

I’m obviously really excited and have been compiling my list of things to buy, restaurants to visit, and stores to shop in for months. I can’t wait to show Mustafa America and my life there. Even more importantly, I can’t wait for him to be able to spend time with my family and friends. Just like when my Dad and Nikki visited us here, once again my worlds collide.

I’ve been distracted lately by worrying about leaving Ceyda. She’s going to stay here at our house and Mustafa’s parents are each going to come every day to feed her, play with her, etc. Still feel really guilty and worried that she’ll go insane from loneliness and/or boredom. We’re going to keep our bird here too, becasue I like to refer to him as “Cat TV” and at least there will be some other form of life here for her! Hopefully M’s parents will spend the night here sometimes too. Also, as a few people have said to me, we like to think our cats love us more than they actually do

What else? I’ve been worrying about the lack of medical insurance while we’re traveling in the US and finally bought a travel insurance policy yesterday. Gotta love being American when it comes to insurance. Grrr…

BUT you know what IS much better about being American?? Having a clothes dryer! Nobody has dryers here, which is generally fine once you get used to having crunchy clothes and towels, but it definitely sucks that much more when doing pre-vacation laundry!

It’s funny thinking of poor Mustafa and the sheer number of people he’s going to be meeting! We ease into it by spending the first few days there in NYC with my Dad and Nikki, who he already knows. Then we had to TX where he will be meeting SIX of my best friends from college, four of their husbands, and five of their kids. No big deal. After that we go to NJ where he will meet my mom’s family…grandparents, three aunts, two uncles and a bunch of cousins. From there we go to CT/MA where he’ll be meeting a bunch of other friends and I’m even planning on bringing him in to my old office.

It’s funny though, as excited as I am, I’m going to miss being here for a whole month. The other day we were driving along the harbor and I was looking at the boats and the sea, really seeing how beautiful it is and thinking that I will miss it. Welcome to the life of an ex-pat though, I suppose….always missing someone and somewhere.

I will miss this...

By the way…big news. One of those boats above is now ours! That’s a post for another day!

I thought of the thing that I might be most excited about having in the US…central heating and instant hot water from every faucet! Kidding…of course. I’m most excited about the people, but central heat might be a close second! Oh, and being surrounded by my native tongue is pretty high up there on the list too

Posted in Family, Friends, Language, Travel | Leave a comment

Christmas in Turkey

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Caroline

Christmas ended up being more “Christmassy” than I had thought it would, which was nice. Like I’ve mentioned before, Kusadasi has a large ex-pat population (mostly from the UK), so evidence of the holiday can be found in many places. Not to mention the fact that Turks have been increasingly adopting some of the typical Christmas traditions to celebrate New Year’s… a “New Year’s tree,” gifts, etc. Guess they didn’t want to be left out of the fun of the season

On December 23rd, we decided to get a little tree for our home. Despite Mustafa’s insistence that he could find a lovely live tree for us in Milli Park, I thought an artificial tree would make more sense. Admittedly, this was a little difficult for me as I’ve had real trees my entire life! I like the smell and the imperfections of them. However, I do not miss needless everywhere and I figured a proper tree stand might be hard to find. We also might often be traveling around Christmas in the coming years, so fake trees provide a little more flexibility. We went to Koctas, which is essentially Home Depot, and Kipa, like Target/Kmart, and got a tree and some decorations. Apparently I tend to gravitate toward gold ornaments as our tree ended up being totally monochromatic. I plan on bringing some of my ornaments from home over for next year’s tree! In any case, the tree made our house feel instantly more festive. It was also nice for Mustafa to have a tree for the first time. It’s one of those things that made us realize how nice it is to incorporate each other’s traditions into our life together. Always new experiences!

Our little Christmas tree!

That night I also turned on some Christmas music and did some baking. I didn’t want to go too crazy but some Christmas cookies are necessary. Thankfully my oven cooperated and they all came out well!

On Christmas Eve, the Kusadasi Belediye (the municipality) holds a Christmas party. Apparently it started a few years ago and has grown in popularity since. It was held at at a park on the Kusadasi waterfront. Unfortunately the weather turned quite cold just in time for the holidays so it was a little chilly and breezy, especially on the water. Some of the children who live here did a really cute nativity play and sang Christmas carols. It was funny because the kids started off in their costumes, buy by the end they all had coats over their shepherds’ outfits and angels’ robes! It was also nice that the narration was done in English and in Turkish so Mustafa got a more complete version of the story of Jesus’ birth than I had given him earlier!

My favorite sculpture in Kusadasi on Christmas Eve

Police guarding the Christmas cookies!

Santas pouring the booze

Kusadasi decorated for Christmas...I mean...New Year's

Kids performing the nativity play

We were getting a bit chilly outside, so we decided to go to a cute restaurant I’d been wanting to try. I always expect the worst when it comes to prices in Kusadasi because it is such a touristy town, but I was amazed by how inexpensive it was. I was also happy that they had a somewhat extensive menu, as sometimes it feels like every restaurant in Turkey has essentially the same options. We had a nice dinner, wine, and coffee and were ready to head back out into the cold.

Our next stop was Meryemana Evi, which is Virgin Mary’s House. It’s a short drive from Kusadasi and is reportedly where Mary lived the end of her life. I’d been there twice before and always find it really peaceful and also emotional for some reason. I have yet to visit there and not end up in tears. Something about it strikes a chord with me. Anyway, churches are few and far between here and we decided it would be a nice place to spend Christmas Eve. Masses are held there daily, but the house itself is tiny so I was curious to see how they would handle a Christmas Eve crowd. There is a chapel nearby that I’d never before noticed and that building was large enough to accommodate everyone. The biggest surprise of the evening for me was that mass was held in Italian by an Italian priest and then translated by a Turkish priest into Turkish. Very little was said in English. Fortunately, my weak Turkish language skills and familiarity with Catholic masses were enough that I knew what was happening. The chapel was very simple and there was essentially no music, so it lacked the ambiance of a typical mass, but it was nice to be there on a special night.

Mustafa with our candles before mass

Beautiful devotional candles

We spent Christmas day at the home of friends. Mehtap and I had gotten to know each other somewhat via Facebook and a forum for ex-pats here. Last week, we finally met in person with our husbands and had dinner together. They were nice enough to invite us over to celebrate Christmas with them. Jesse is American and Mehtap is Turkish but she lived in the US for nine years. We have a good time with them because they are fun and very sweet and we also have similar perspectives on life here because we’ve also lived in the US. They have two adorable little boys and we had fun spending the day together. Mehtap cooked a delicious Christmas dinner and I brought over all of my baking.

Mustafa on Christmas

Mehtap and one of her sweet little boys, as well as our delicious dinner!

All in all, it was a much more festive Christmas than I had anticipated! Who knows where we will be for next year’s holidays but it’s nice to know that they can be celebrated here as well!

Posted in Friends, Holidays | 2 Comments

Our little girl is all grown up…

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Caroline

Yup, our cat, Ceyda, is in heat! Today is day four and I’m wondering how long this is going to go on. From some internet research I’ve done, it seems that it can last anywhere between three and ten days. I’m praying we stay closer to three than ten!

How do you know your cat is in heat? Frankly it’s hard to miss. The first sign was definitely the disturbingly loud and incessant howling. It’s low and sounds totally desperate. Apparently the purpose is to call all the neighborhood boys to come around, and that it has done. Like I’ve mentioned, Turkey has a problem with stray cats and dogs, so there’s no shortage of male cats, unfortuantely. The second sign was that she became extremely affectionate. Ceyda is usually very loving and friendly, but this is a bit much. She can’t seem to get enough. The third sign was strange rolling around on the floor, particularly against our walls and furniture. The fourth sign, I alternate between finding absolutely hilarious and totally disturbing. If you pet her when she’s feeling particularly frisky, she sticks her little rear end up in the air and moves her tail to the side. More than I want to see from my sweet little kitten.

We’re dealing with some serious feelings of guilt here because we hadn’t gotten her spayed before this started. She’s just about seven months old, we’ve been busy, she’s an indoor cat, and I just never really expected this! We’re leaving for the US in 16 days (!!!) and we don’t feel comfortable leaving so little time for her to recover before we go. So, we’re just going to have to wait it out until we get back. I’m hoping she’s not in too much of a funk after having been left for so long because then I’ll feel like she’ll hate us even more when we take her to have her little girly parts removed. The joys of pet ownership. All of this on the heels of having a week when I’ve been totally weepy over missing my sweet Lexi, who’s all the way in America. I miss her like crazy. Sometimes I swear that this is it…no more pets for me. I just get way too attached and worry about them way too much. BUT they also add so much to life. Just a little while ago, Mustafa was saying how surprised he’s been by how much he loves her. Pets just have a way of getting into your heart like that. Something that I’m happy to see more Turks are starting to see as well as having pets in the home is slowly starting to become more popular!

Posted in Animals | Leave a comment

Facebook Observations

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Caroline

While Facebook is extremely popular in both America and Turkey, they ways we use it couldn’t be more different. Americans tend to use Facebook more personally than Turks do, and this fact is really a theme in most, if not all, of the rest of my list.

Americans like to document every moment and detail of their lives. Status updates are used as if Facebook were Twitter. ”Sitting in traffic on my way to work!” ”Off to the dentist, ughhhh!” ”Going to bed now…goodnight Facebook friends!” ” What did I do to deserve two puking kids???” ”T minus 10 days until vacation! Yay!” ”What was I thinking when I decided to go to the mall on a Saturday this close to Christmas???” You get the idea. Then there are the pictures… From Facebook, we all know what kind of cars our friends drive, what their houses look like, their pets, parents, neighbors, and co-workers. Don’t get me wrong…I’m no exception to most of this and in many ways, I love it because it helps me feel connected to my friends at home. Sometimes, however, it does seem a bit excessive. The word “oversharing” comes to mind.
Turks, in comparison, post much less of their personal lives and much more of Youtube. Maybe it’s because Youtube was banned for quite a while and the novelty hasn’t yet worn off? Maybe it’s because this country does seem to have an obsession with video clips? There is actually an entire television channel dedicated to “America’s Funniest Home Videos” type clips. The fascination never ceases to amaze me. I rarely see status updates from my Turkish friends that describe what they’re doing or where they’re off to. There are usually a few pictures of weddings and of course baby pictures are somewhat universal, but the level of detail is just different.
Americans seem to be a little more discriminating when it comes to friend requests (with the exception of number 5, below). That is with the exception of high school and college students, who seem to “friend” everyone they’ve ever encountered at a party. We seem to have more of our egos invested in our friend requests. ”Will he think it’s strange if I friend him?” ”I’m not going to friend her…I’m going to wait for her to friend me?” That type of thing. Here, in contrast, I frequently get friend requests from people with whom I’m fairly certain I’ve never exchanged more than five words, and most of them are under the age of 17. Often the only thing that gives me a clue as to who the person is, is the fact that we have a few mutual friends. Which leads me to…
I’ve gotten friend requests from Turks with absolutely no personal information other than a name. Profile pictures will be images of celebrities, cute babies they’ve found on some random online gallery, a nature scene that’s clearly been photoshopped to the extent of looking fake, bouquets of roses (surprisingly popular!)… The town and education information is blank or completely fabricated. Then I click through the photos and again celebrities, cute babies, and nature scenes. What’s the point of Facebook if there’s nothing about YOU!?!?
A young boy's profile picture (huh???)

And a 30-something year-old MAN's profile picture...

This definitely isn't one of her vacation photos or a scene from her backyard...

I think this might have been one of my folder covers in 4th grade... Who doesn't love dolphins!?!?
In America it’s totally acceptable to be friends with the spouses of your close friends, and the close friends of your spouse. Here, not so much. Turks seem to be very cautious when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex, particularly after marriage. Actually, that extends way beyond Facebook. Don’t get me started…

Being all the way over here in Turkey, I tend to favor the “American style” of Facebook usage. Like I mentioned before, it’s one of the ways I feel connected to my friends and family. We’ve just got to watch the “oversharing” or the “selective sharing” with the intent to make life appear perfect to the outside world. In any case, it’s just different here, but what isn’t?

Posted in Friends, Technology | Leave a comment

Being Present…in Turkey